Though well intentioned, new members’ classes often set men up to fail.
Most of these classes are modeled after a sales pitch. And the first rule of sales is this:
Always focus on the benefits of the product; never the drawbacks.
Almost every New Members’ Class does this. We promise a church experience that’s NONSTOP AWESOME.
But filling new members’ heads with visions of sugarplums leaves them feeling betrayed when church doesn’t live up to its own hype.
Women, having established relationships in the church, will often stick with it. But men will head for the exits. They weren’t prepared for the realities of church.
The New Members’ Class Sales Pitch
A facilitator (salesman) addresses a room full of inquirers (prospects), trying to convince them to buy his wonderful product (church membership).
He begins his talk with basic information designed to inspire confidence in what he’s selling. The facilitator explains the church’s origin, mission, and theology. He follows with a lengthy list of benefits the church offers: opportunities for fellowship, study and service. Even longer is the roster of programs new members can get involved in, complemented with photos of happy parishioners “giving their lives away.” Some churches invite their prospects to complete “gifting inventories,” matching them with ministry programs that take advantage of their abilities and interests.
Once all the benefits are on the table, it’s time to ask for the sale. Evangelical churches often use this time to present the gospel. Mainline churches will take this opportunity to recruit volunteers.
It’s no sin for a church to put its best foot forward. Church membership is a good thing, and church involvement can be a great thing.
But this is the opposite of the way Jesus prepared his men.
What Jesus promised his men
Before Jesus sent out his men out he gave them a frightening warning of horrors that they might experience. He promised them persecution, poverty, betrayal and arrest. Here’s a small excerpt from his new members’ class:
“Brother shall betray brother to death, and fathers shall betray their own children. And children shall rise against their parents and cause their deaths. Everyone shall hate you because you belong to me. But all of you who endure to the end shall be saved.”
Rather than welcome new followers into his circle, Jesus placed barriers in their path.
A rich young ruler asked Jesus what he must do to gain eternal life. This guy was loaded. He could easily have financed Christ’s ministry out of his spare change. On top of this, he appeared to be an easy convert. But instead of scooping up this man (and his money), Christ threw a barrier in front of him. “If you want to be perfect, go, sell what you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. And come, follow Me.” Not only did Jesus send this high-flyer away discouraged, he lost out on a potent revenue stream (much to Judas’ consternation).
Another man came to Jesus, pledging to follow him anywhere. Did Christ welcome him with open arms? No, he promised the man he’ll be homeless the rest of his life. (Try that line at your next New Members’ Class).
Another time Jesus proclaimed, “If any man comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.”
John chapter six records a time when Jesus made a claim so offensive nearly every disciple abandoned him. Then he turned to the twelve. Did he plead with them to stay? No, he held open the door, saying, “Do you also want to leave?”
Jesus promised men persecution, betrayal and death. We promise men inspiring music, gourmet coffee and an awesome children’s program.
Why would Christ place obstacles in front of men who were ready to follow him? Because he was seeking a particular type of man. A man drawn to struggle, challenge and risk.
Such men are increasingly rare in church.
If we want bold men to join our churches we must do as Jesus did, and tell them the truth about church life. The good, the bad and the ugly — so when ugly comes, they’re ready.
We’ve given them an excuse to quit
There are legions of former churchgoers who have fallen away — not because they’ve lost their faith in God, but because they were blindsided by realities of church life. They simply weren’t prepared.
“Church is supposed to be loving, not judgmental. I quit.”
“I disagree with something the pastor said. I quit.”
“Church is just a bunch of hypocrites. I quit.”
“I can’t stand that woman in my small group. I quit.”
God is perfect. Wonderful. Loving. So they thought church would be, too. And we never told them any different.
New believers need to understand that conflict, discord and difficulties are not a sign that something is wrong with the church. Instead, they need to see these irritations for what they are – opportunities to grow in faith, hope and love.
What should we be telling the men who seek to join our churches? Fortunately, everything we need to say comes straight from the Bible. That’s the subject of my next post.
David Murrow, The Online Preaching Coach, is the author of Why Men Hate Going to Church and many other bestselling books. David is an award winning television producer whose work has been seen on ABC, NBC, PBS, CBS, Discovery Networks, BBC World Service and dozens more. He trains pastors how to make their sermons more watchable, memorable and shareable online.
